ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
