no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize