In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
