i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
