I just made out with a guy for $7.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
