my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
