Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Randomize
