So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
