I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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