Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
