high people should be assigned attendants
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
