They should really pass out barf bags in church
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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