girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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