Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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