Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
