Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
