He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
