I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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