please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
