I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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