thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
