She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
