yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My penis needs a shock collar
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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