i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
either way he was missing a nipple.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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