Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
