Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Drunk is not a location!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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