I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
