At least make sure they are 18
Why
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
