Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
