I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
