Whod you bang
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
