she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
