So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
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I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
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speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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