You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
