You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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