Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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