If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
