so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
