Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
