we have pet lesbian snakes
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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