Someone shit on the floor
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
