No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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