okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
