I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
