I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
