You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
