Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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