areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
