I'm jealous of your bromance
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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