You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
