u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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