Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
