bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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