I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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