If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
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You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
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He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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