i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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