im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
