I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
