Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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