he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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