i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Enjoy the penises
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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