you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
