Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
