he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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