sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
